Sweet friends, did you remember that I have blog? Because I didn’t. I think my dad did though, shout out to you, my number one fan!!! I love you a lot!!!
I’ve had so much trouble writing this blog post – so much trouble that it has taken me almost a month and a half to do it. I think the root of my problem stems from my want to be transparent with you. Transparency is something that I have a huge heart for, but still working on. It’s hard, real hard; especially in these days of perfectly curated social media. There’s a lot that goes unseen behind the cover Instagram: a lot of tears, a lot of laughs, a lot of venting, and a lot of grace. A whole heck of a lot of grace, actually.
I would love to be able to look you in the eyes and tell you that these few months have been a breeze. That I made best friends my first day, speak fluent Spanish, don’t constantly feel on edge, click with every single person I’ve met and feel uber confident here, but that would be a big bold lie. And we are trying to be transparent, are we not?
So in a heart of transparency, here is a look into my life:
The first few weeks of my study abroad program were HARD. It seemed like everyone was having the time of their life and making their forever friends immediately. It's real hard to admit that you are not doing fine when everyone else around you seems like they are. I questioned my decision to come here every single second, spent a night crying over empanadas to my friend about how I had no friends (oh the irony), cringed every time I was forced into speaking Spanish, and kept muttering to myself “And if not, He is still good,” because it’s real hard to believe that when things aren’t good.
Let me tell you how sweet it is though when things come about. When little wins turn into victories and a scary new place starts to feel like home. When strangers turn into friends, nights out turn into swinging at the park, and you realize that that maybe not everything is awful – in fact, everything is really, really good. Even when it’s not good, it’s really good. These past two weeks I’ve woken up to that fact that I am on a pretty cool adventure with some pretty cool people. I’m thankful for that and thankful for the ways in which I’m being refined by His fire.
These past few months have been a whirlwind. I have a quote plastered on my computer by Bob Goff that says, “When Jesus invites us on an adventure, He shapes who we becomes with what happens along the way.” This couldn’t be more true, especially now. I see Him working in every little detail of this crazy South American adventure. He’s testing my patience, softening my heart, and strengthening my courage. It’s the worst and the best. He is good.
So that’s where I’m at. Not perfect, but definitely living the dream. Thanks for tagging along for the ride, it means a lot. Let’s get cuba libres together when I get back?
"All of these people seem like they're fine, but in someways I hope that they're not and their hearts are like mine."